This grudge i hold and what it made me do
by MeThinks-I-Like-Books
Summary: I am sixteen years old. My family were ripped away from me and killed one-by-one. I work in a sleazy night club on minimum wage. I am a mother now, but I don’t even care for my kid." how max copes with the loss of her flock, and their return. FAX, R&R.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer – for all future chapters and this – I do not own Maximum Ride or anything associated with it. Basically anything you recognise as James Patterson material – It's not mine sobs silently, wishing she actually could write like that and come up with an idea like this.**

_I lay on the ground with my head in my hands bawling my eyes out, not caring about the dirt on the forest floor below me. A startling pain ripped through every fibre of my very being. Not a physical pain – more like my chest was being torn apart from the inside. _

_I've dealt with pain in my life, don't get me wrong. What with being tortured by whitecoats and being kept in a dog crate, being on the run and getting frequently attacked by erasers, which I can tell you now aren't pleasant. _

_But nothing has ever shaped up to the pain I felt right now, nothing can ever shape up to the pain of having your family – with whom you've spent every moment of your life so far – ripped away from you like that._

_Watching them being dragged away by erasers one by one, hearing their piercing shrieks in the distance, and then worse, hearing nothing as you realise with a sickening feeling that a member of your flock, of your family, of your very self has been killed by none other than your own father. _

_The only redeeming thing in the midst of all this was that they hadn't made me watch, and it had been fairly quick. But watching the last go, watching Fang leave me, and hearing the always silent, never complaining - even when on the brink of death - best friend screaming louder than a human's lungs could take, it fills you with the bitterest hatred of anyone that could even dream of doing this._

And now two years later that hatred has only got stronger, mixed with the inability to feel pain, or love, or even anything remotely emotional. For a while I hoped, no, _wished_ that the fact that I hadn't _seen_ my flock die meant that they didn't and that they were ok. But I soon gave up that hope. That hope has long gone.

My name is Maximum Ride. I am sixteen years old. My family were ripped away from me and killed one-by-one. I live and work in a sleazy night club on minimum wage. I am a mother now, but I don't even care for my kid. Nothing can live up to how I led my life with the flock before. I am a shell of a bird kid. Nothing matters to me anymore.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. This was only a short chapter as I got my ideas together. For readers of my other story, a matter of flock and death, don't worry that will continue as well. For those who haven't read it and like this, check it out. Even if you don't like this, it is very different from this story and a slightly different style so you might like.**


	2. Autopilot, scratch that i have a stalker

I woke up from my power nap on auto-pilot, having done this same routine every day for the last year or so of my life, my kid was screeching at me as usual – not that that woke me, I'd grown accustomed to it, and years of sleeping in cramped dog crates at the school taught me to sleep through anything. Her cot stank of something nasty but I didn't have time to check it out, I had to get to work downstairs and hastily dressing into this evening's getup, I threw her a bottle of only half-warmed milk and went on my way, locking the door behind me.

Now don't get me wrong, if I thought she couldn't cope then I'd maybe think twice about this. But right now I couldn't really give a crap about anything in my life, it was like I had a big bubble round me that horded off any ill-feeling – or indeed feeling at all, and left me as more of a robot than a bird kid.

And looking at that kids face didn't help, it just conjured up thoughts of what I had to do later this evening, it was the same every night – and I would rather not think about it at any time other than when it happened, and even then I'd be more concerned about the time or my next meal. And the illegitimate thing looked more like her father than me, I couldn't bear the thought that she didn't have wings, it left me as the only one left, so I locked down all these feelings, I couldn't afford to let them out and risk a breakdown.

So when I got down to the bar, I jumped straight to work – heading for some awaiting men, their eyes popping way too far out of their pathetic heads. Huh – newcomers, you can always tell around here.

"So what can I get you boys?" I asked alluringly, setting my accent thick and unrecognisable, it changed on a regular basis, all things we had to be aware of round here in this business, never get recognised, stay as low key as possible.

I watched their eyes pop further out of their faces, as their gaze dropped about 10 inches south of my face, more towards my pushed-up; already oversized chest, getting a little bored of waiting until one of them piped up and started reeling off an order, which I got with no trouble, not actually paying attention to what I was doing, I did it so often I didn't have to. The man who spoke was hanging around, watching me closely, something that might have bothered me two years ago, and made the old Max punch him in the face, but now I ignored his ogling and went about my business.

After a few hours, when the temperature in the club had raised to within human boiling point, actually not a thing that bothered me that much, but that's recombinant non-human DNA for you, and it had started to get its stank stale sweat taste to the air, something I'd grown accustomed and immune to as well. It was time to step out of my already revealing dress, into an even more revealing outfit – the only thing it really covered well was my wings, which no one knows about round here but my dress-fitter, I mean, there are rumours, its hard to stop the stray feathers every now and then, but I put them off the scent.

I sighed and swung myself onto the greasy pole, sliding down it as easily as if I were flying – only there's nothing majestic or graceful about what I was doing. Later I would allow these sleazy sliming drooling men to go into the back room with me, and let's just say have their way with me for money, I've even been paid to do this for a woman before. If I ever stopped to think about what I was doing, I wouldn't do it, but that's exactly why I couldn't, I couldn't afford to be out on the street. I'd end up in worse circumstances than these, there wouldn't be rules about protection or anything, though it still doesn't stop the occasional mistakes to be made, when things don't quite go as planned - hence the birth of my daughter, and the reason I can never love her.

Later that night, when all physical energy in me was lost and all that was left in the club was the men's dignity, I went to lock up, only to discover that the man that had spoken earlier and then watched me, was still observing me with that smirk on his face.

"Hey! You - It's out time!" I called with enough force to make him leave, but not enough to show any emotion. He willingly obliged and sauntered towards me, then headed out the door, not taking his eyes off me the whole time, such an act that again – if I had any fight left in me – would once have ended in a punch.

I sighed and headed up to my room, where I found one of the girls, Sarah, sneaking out down the corridor. She thinks I don't know that she goes in there and looks after my daughter while I'm on my shift, but I don't care. If it means I don't have to look after her then its fine by me, call me what you want – dodging my responsibilities and being a bad mother, but you try going through what I have.

I unlocked the door and headed in. At least it didn't smell as bad now - and she was sleeping and was probably clean and fed. I wolfed down seven microwavable meals and dropped like a stone in my bed. Tomorrow wouldn't be any different and I needed some rest.

In the morning, I got up early as usual and had a quick cold shower before even the cold water ran out. Then headed to the fast-food place down the road and stuffed myself with sausages and pancakes from breakfast, not sparing a minute to think of Iggy's cooking – I wouldn't be able to stand remembering things like that.

Only to put a minor twist on this morning, to set it aside from all my other mornings, I found the man from last night still staring at me from across the restaurant – funny, how did he still recognise me? Remember what I said about us having to be careful? I came out most mornings with wet hair, much darker than natural and wearing baggy t shirts, jeans and converse shoes, along with the lack of make-up smeared on my face – I didn't tend to look anything like my evening self.

I ignored him an went about my way – rushing on to my other job, cleaning litter round the park – another mindless repetitive task that didn't allow any thought for reflecting on the past, and yet I kept seeing him around that day. He didn't think I could see him, trying to stay hidden in trees and stuff, but I have acute eyesight and hearing, with my bird senses and all, I don't know why, but for the first time in two years, this of all things was starting to bother me, not just that I have a stalker, that I could probably handle, but there was just something about him – about his gaze, his silence most of the time, his smirk. It all seemed…familiar somehow – but I couldn't place it. And I refused to dig up any memories from my past to try and figure it out – so I was lost.

Finally I went back to the fast food place for lunch and managed to eat nearly my whole weight in burgers, before heading back to the club for a power nap before this evening and relieve Sarah of her duty, she knew better than to be in my room when I was there. I didn't make friends anymore. She was probably a nice girl, and you only had to look at her to tell that she wanted a daughter of her own, so I allowed It – the other mothers in the place tended to look after their own and be untrusting, but I left a spare key on top of the door frame for Sarah – there that's one act of almost compassion in my emotionless shell of a life.

**A/N: Again let me know what you think of this one. I wrote it because I couldn't be bothered to revise and have an English Lit. exam tomorrow – so this was my way of keeping English fresh in my mind.**


	3. My stalker? Holding my baby?

I braced myself for it when I went down that evening, it had been only one day, and yet I still expected him to be there somehow and what a surprise! There he was, in his all black clothes casually slouched over the bar with a pint, his eyes never leaving my face when I entered the room.

I tried so hard to ignore him as I went about filling other people's orders, but my eyes had other plans. They kept glancing over to look, to check if he was still there, that he was still looking at me. He always was.

He tapped his empty glass on the table and raised his head when he wanted a re-fill, knowing I was ignoring him. I still ignored him. He got up from where he was slouched and casually strolled over to where I was serving someone else.

"Some service?" He asked and I snapped out of my trance having not realised that I was standing there like a useless dummy starring at him. I finished the order I was already filling and then pointed Ben, the other barman, in the man's direction as I slipped out back to change for the next part of the evening.

When I got to the pole, he was standing right by it with a fresh pint, waiting, but for what? Was he just that creepy that he came here to ogle at me, because I was starting to think that there was more to it than that?

All evening it was the same, never saying anything, just watching, and I found myself watching him, trying to suss him out, but not making it obvious. For some reason I was bothered when he noticed me starring. I've not been bothered about anything in 2 years. I could tell he wasn't interested in me in the way all the other sleazy perverts in this room were, so why did he care?

He wasn't one of the men that came and paid for me out back that evening, which was another clue that he didn't want me that way. I felt myself being almost disappointed in that; there was something about him, something different, which made me almost like him somehow.

When I got up to my room though, I couldn't see Sarah around; funny I almost always catch her. I checked to feel the key on top of the doorframe, but it wasn't there. Sarah wasn't stupid enough to still be in there. I turned the handle cautiously to see if it was unlocked and it opened freely. Even funnier.

I poked my head round the door to find…my stalker? Holding my baby? Now I was confused. How the hell did he find my room?

"What are you doing in here?" I demanded. He turned round slowly, not at all alarmed at my expression.

"Shhh, she's sleeping," He smiled back. Huh? Smiling? What the hell is his game? And there was something unnatural about his smile, like it didn't happen very often.

"Urhhh…" I muttered, unsure of what to say. Usually I'd yell at him there and then regardless of my sleeping baby in his arms, but there was something more to him. "Who are you?" The expression on my face must have matched the confusion in my voice because instead of answering me he just smirked.

"It's always great to know that after spending years with a person, they don't recognise you after only two apart." He was teasing me?!

Hang on. Rewind. Years together? Two apart? He can't be.

"You can't be," I whispered, more to myself than to him. His smirk fell and his expression grew serious. He put my daughter in the cot that Sarah had gotten her and approached me. I sat down hard on my bed in confusion. I didn't believe him. But it couldn't be anyone else.

"Fang?" I asked cautiously, quietly. He stroked my hair at the back of my head gently.

"Yes," he smiled a real smile this time. A rare but special Fang smile. I starred at him a moment longer and then I couldn't help it, after keeping my feelings all locked in for so long, it all came painfully flooding back at once and I cried, I cried my eyes out, unaware that Fang had put his arms around me, until my eyes and throat were raw. Then I looked at him again and muttered "Sorry. I can't do this right now." With that I grabbed some warm clothes, went to the bathroom and hastily changed, making sure I had a shirt with slits in and flung myself out of the bathroom window, trying to keep out of sight.

Ouch! This hurt! I was out of practice and hadn't used my wings in two years. They were stiff for a good while when I was flying around until they eventually loosened up a little bit, but I was exhausted. I forgot how physically draining this was. Eventually I gave up and flew back to my apartment. Fang was still there waiting patiently. Standing over my daughter's cot and catching her sleep softly. Why did he do that? Did it bother him that I had a daughter? Because he didn't show it if he was.

"I can go if you want? If it's too much?" He said questioningly, looking up to see the bewildered look on my face, full of anger, hurt, relief, confusion, and pretty much every other emotion under the sun all at once.

"Do you have anywhere to go?" I asked, surprising myself that I didn't want him out on the street.

"I'm staying at a hotel," he replied. "I should probably get back anyway." I nodded.

"Fang," I stopped him, just before he left. "What about…Are the flock…" I didn't know how to put it and I could hear my voice cracking as I said it. He turned to face me, his face grim. My heart fell again, feeling awful, I had let myself get a glimmer of hope for one minute.

He put a hand on my shoulder and sighed. "I don't think they're dead," He said gravely. "But I don't know where they are. And I can't be sure."

"But there's hope?" I asked, my voice cracking more now.

He nodded. "Definitely." And with that, he went to my window, looked back once, and flew off into the distance. How could I even process this? My flock not dead? Fang was here? Much as I didn't know what to do, I was beat from my evening and my flight, and I lay back on my bed and fell into the land of the sleeping.

**A/N: There's your next one. I'll try and update my other story sometime soon. I have officially broken up from school until September now so I should have more time on my hands. I only have 7 exams to go back for as well, so not too much revision needed. Thanks for all your support in the reviews.**


	4. Time to face facts

I woke up late the next morning…too late. I had probably missed my first job entirely and I was going to struggle to hit the restaurant before the end of lunch, so I sighed deeply, knowing what I had to do. I grabbed my things and opened my door to find Sarah loitering outside; I must have really confused her this morning by staying in.

"Go for it," I said, gesturing towards the door and reaching for her key myself. "Stay as long as you want. Help yourself to a cup of tea. I'll be back late, so can you tell the boss I won't be working tonight? I'll pay you for babysitting when I get back." I smiled warmly at her. Seeing Fang had changed me. If I was going to break some of the rules, like crying and skipping work twice, then I might as well break all of them and be nice to people.

"Oh no. You don't need to pay me." She looked away awkwardly. "I like doing it. And besides, it's not fair if I sneak in and you don't know about it." She looked really nervous.

"Look. I'm not talking about before, when you snuck in here, God knows I wouldn't be able to pay for that anyway, I'll just be forever grateful to you. You've probably raised my daughter more than I have. Just let me pay you from now on ok? I'll feel better about it if we do things properly." Wow, this really was a big speech from me, even if it wasn't the most heart-warming thing I could have said. Nevertheless she looked grateful and happy, as though I'd made her day, if not the year. You know she was quite pretty underneath all of the worry and needless to say she had a heart of gold. I made a mental note to try and be friends with her.

I scrammed pretty quickly after that, heading down the rickety fire escape at the end of the smelly corridor, which we used as an entrance/exit to our pathetic living quarters, so as to avoid going through the club, and I did an up and away in the alleyway so no one would see me.

I realised when I was in the air that I had absolutely no idea where Fang's hotel was, and I got the feeling he wouldn't be hanging around today because he'd rather give me space. I looked around the small town from my position high up in the air, out of any human's view, but of course my sight was better than a human's, more bird-like, allowing me to see everything below. There were only two hotels in this pathetic dump of a place, one was so sleazy and dirty even _I _wouldn't go near it when I was at my most desperate. The other was not a massive amount better and across the road from the convenience store in the centre of town and the fast-food place and the park, just down the road from the nightclub where I worked/lived.

I headed for that one first, figuring if he was anywhere, he'd be there. Again I had to drop into an alleyway, out of sight. I still didn't want anyone to see my wings or think there was anything out of the ordinary. It was the sort of place small enough for people to talk, and fast. I walked into the lobby, where the guy behind the counter was actually asleep. This of course worked to my advantage, because it allowed me to lean over and check what name Fang had signed in under, I would have just looked at his room number as well but he jolted awake at that particular moment. So I stepped back and asked "Could you tell me where Nick Ride is please?" Trying to sound polite, but knowing it wouldn't take much in a place like this.

"Urm, room tewny one miss." He muttered gruffly, he sounded like a lazy trucker who'd been starved of coffee for days. "That's uhh, just down the hall, up the stairs an' on the left." I nodded my thanks and set off nervously. I didn't know how to go about this. There was a lingering smell pee and feet about the place, and there were handprints and drink stains all down the walls and all sorts of things trodden into the carpet. If this place was like this, I wondered what the less attractive hotel was like and shuddered, an it takes a lot to make Maximum Ride feel like this. I work in a club, and sleep with men for money. I've slept in trees and in subway tunnels, but this I found just plain gross, I'd take a subway tunnel or my skanky home any day over this.

I got to Fang's dilapidated, half-rotting door and knocked gently, fearful that if I knocked any harder, the door might snap and bugs would come out of the wood and eat me. He opened the door almost immediately and smiled at me.

"It's better inside. Honestly." He opened the door wider and gave me an encouraging grin, as always knowing what I was thinking and feeling, the grin that used to make my heart stop, and still made it skip a beat but filled my head with confusion at the same time. But I think this was as close as I ever would be to being ready to talk.

With that I crept precautiously into his room, careful not to step on any parts of the bare wooden floor that looked as thought they would collapse under my light weight, but overall he was right, it was much better inside. If you call the curtains-falling-off-and-funny-smell-present look appealing anyway. I gave Fang one of those its-taking-all-of-my-willpower-to-stay-here-and-not-fly-out-the-window looks.

"Want to go to the park and talk things over?" He asked and I sighed a huge mega sigh of relief, and then coughed in all the dust because I'd breathed so hard in this place that didn't look like it had ever been cleaned and I nodded quickly, so that we could get the hell out of this place.

**A/N: So let me know what you think. This was more of a filler chapter, they are going to talk things through in the next chapter so it should reveal some of the stuff from what's been going on with Fang, and questions about Max and the baby and stuff will be answered.**


	5. Not so perfect end to a perfect day

We landed swiftly in the park and I heaved a huge sigh of relief to be back in fresh air again. Me and Fang had a lot to talk about and it wasn't going to be done in dome dingy smelly room where I couldn't breathe enough to think straight. So where to start? I didn't even know how to talk to him. When did we go from being so close, to complete and utter strangers? I sighed and looked at Fang, whose expression matched my own. At least I wasn't the only one having difficulty here. I paused, then said the first thing that came to my head.

"Why now?" It was barely a whisper, but loud enough for Fangs avian enhanced ears to pick up. "Why not before? – If you've been ok all this time." Fang looked like he was having difficulty finding the right words, I'd ask him more but I was fearful of putting him over the edge so that he would end up behaving like the old reclusive Fang, who didn't really talk. I wanted answers this time, before my heart could open up to the fact that he was alive, I mean, this could so easily be a whitecoat trick and I didn't want to be hurt that bad again, call it a self-preservation mechanism.

"A lot's happened Max. First of all though, I honestly didn't know you were alive until a friend of mine described the umm…girl" I could tell his friend didn't use a word as nice as that one for me, "The girl that he…saw at a club a few nights ago. It sounded so unbelievably like you Max, I couldn't sleep for days knowing that it might be you, so eventually I went against all of my morals and went to see for myself, and I find you. A girl so very different from Max that I don't know who you are any more." He looked sad and withdrawn, his voice barely audible by the end of this speech that I was almost filled with regret, I mean how could I do this to him, to my memory, wasn't I supposed to be better than this? Just for a second, afterwards I convinced myself that I'd had no other choice for the past two years, and hadn't cared about anything in the world until a few days ago when Fang turned up at the bar and changed all of that, brought up all of these feelings again, ones she didn't want to believe for fear of that feeling of unbelievable, heart rendering hurt.

"Why are you alive?" I paused and he looked taken aback, and I realised I had worded it badly. "I mean, I heard the screams…and then the…silence" I shuddered at the memory. "You heard them too. You were the last to go. You can't tell me you didn't think everyone was dead. I've never heard you scream before Fang, let alone like that." Tears were pretty much cascading down my face now, after locking my feelings inside for two years, all the pain felt fresh and new, like I'd ripped off a band-aid too early.

"No I heard them Max," His face was scrunched up in pain at the memory as well. "I thought the same, and when they took me, that's why when they tied me up and came at me like that," He was clearly uncomfortable bringing back the memories, I would stop him, but I had to know. "That was why I screamed. But the next day I woke up in the middle of some bogus dog crate at the school, alone, the flock nowhere to be seen. I feared the worse, and my head hurt like heck, but I was filled with so much anger at what they'd done, I thought they'd killed you, and that was all it took. I don't even know where the strength came from in the end, but I'm pretty much guessing it was pure rage-filled adrenaline, and I managed to bust my way out of that dog crate, punch every whitecoat in sight until they pretty much bled to death."

Tears were falling down his finely-chiselled pristine cheeks now, and it filled my heart with fresh pain, I'd never EVER in all my tough bird kid days seen Fang cry. It scared me. Scared me that there were people out there that could do this to him. That the whitecoats made him finally crack. "So then, with a super bomb that Iggy and Gazzy had me hide from you, I blew up that place and hightailed it out of there. I haven't seen so much as a peep from then since then, and I assume that they have either finally given in, which I somehow doubt, much as I wish it were true, or they are observing us for the time being. Either way, I spent months after that looking for you guys, but I didn't see so much as a clue that you'd ever been alive. Eventually I gave up and moved to some small town, not too far from here, where it would be okay for me to just lie low and get my feeling together for a while. I tried drowning my sorrows in the pub, like every other man out there in the world, but it didn't work, because that just led to me meeting others, people who though I was their "friend" and started to hang around me. Eventually I got used to it, and I guess I have almost made friends with them, but I haven't been my old self in a Long time. Despite all that, a boys weekend away to this dump, don't ask me who chose it, led me to you. I'm never going to stop being grateful for that, intended or not."

Wow. I took a few minutes to take all of this in. That was by far and away the longest speech I had ever heard from Fang's mouth, and it was going to take a while to fully digest. He didn't seem to mind waiting. I guess he'd question me later. Wow, so the white coats are laying low. He single-handedly took out an entire branch, and he has a new life of his own now. Wow.

"That's umm. Wow." I looked into his eyes searchingly but all I could see was that deep sorrow again. "I'm sorry Fang, for making you bring it up. We all have our own ways of burying the past, but none of us like to feel those feelings all over again." I leaned over to give Fang a hug, but it still felt awkward somehow, so I ended up giving him a friendly pat on the back. He smiled gratefully at me.

We had started off walking through the park, it was generally deserted at this time of day, but now we were sitting cross-legged on the grass facing each other, almost like school children, except we'd been to a very different sort of school to most, forgetting the pathetic excuse for a "normal" school that Anne made us go to. I breathed a deep breath and looked at Fang expectantly. I knew just how much it was going to cause me pain to answer his questions, but I owed him the truth and he smiled at me thankfully, making me feel a little bit brighter already.

"Why this?" As always, Fang's knack of cutting straight to the bitter point was very present. For once, even though I had been fairly certain of myself, I didn't know how to answer him. I hated spitting up feelings and showing myself up to be weak, but for once I think I would have to. It was Fang after all.

"Umm. Its hard to explain Fang. After I thought you guys were dead, it pretty much killed all feeling inside me. I hated everybody that came near me and I didn't have enough emotion left in me for any other job. Besides it was a job that didn't require any thinking. I couldn't bear a job that would have reminded me of anything to do with you guys. And seeing as there's pretty much not a state left in America that I haven't been with you guys, it was hard. I couldn't think of anything else, I was on the street, and not up to my old fending for myself and flock out of a dumpster, I was slowly dying. Then Sarah, a girl at the club found me and wouldn't let me refuse to stay with her for a few days. She managed to pull a few strings and they said I could stay and have my own room, if I worked there, and for what it is, it was really good pay. I didn't talk to anyone for months, and eventually when I did, it was never with any feeling. Until you appeared I haven't actually felt emotion of any kind since I figured that there was no way you were still alive, even when I found out I was pregnant and when I gave birth, nothing." I'd really said too much, I never meant to say that much, but once I started… maybe it was just as well Fang knew absolutely everything anyway.

"How old is she?" I couldn't tell how he felt about her. He didn't reveal anything, so I just decided to answer his questions straight.

"Coming up to one."

"Would I be wrong to assume she is…the product of you sleeping with men for money."

"Wow! Way to cut to the heart of the matter Fang, I knew you weren't a big talker but that's impressive, even for you. But yes, she is exactly as you put it Fang. That's why I can't love her. I look at her, and I regret every decision I have made in the last two years. I look at her and I see her fathers face, don't tell me that I don't even know he was because you'd be right, there's no way to tell, but she looks so much like one of our old regulars that there's no way to debate it. I _hated_ that man. I look at her and I see the face of every man I've ever slept with, and I'm filled with the sadness that she doesn't have wings. She's not like us and I thought I was the only one left, which only made me more upset, so I couldn't face her. I left her for Sarah to look after; I didn't even take responsibility and ask her to. I waited until her lungs were raw from crying and Sarah came by herself when I wasn't there." The tears were coming again, far, far more than before, I was the worst mother in history, and I couldn't take it.

Fang took the high road this time, he was stronger than me. He held his arms open and pulled me into a tight embrace, stroking my long tangled hair which I had forgotten to brush this morning in my haste, while I sobbed into his shirt. He was the rock that he had always been, the one I could rely on when I was upset, and the one who knew me inside out, even though I hadn't seen him for so long.

"You're wrong, Max" He whispered softly into my hair. I looked up into his eyes, what did he mean? All I could see there was love, and it made me smile, almost, I was still confused. "She looks so much like you its unreal. When was the last time you took a good, long look at her?" Wow way to make me feel bad, I though I just explained all this, but my look said it all, it had been far too long. "Next time you see her, take a good look at her back." Wait, now I was confused.

"What?"

"Just look," he looked at me encouragingly and I nodded.

"But not yet," I whispered and snuggled deeper into his arms, it had been a long, long time since I had been with a member of my flock, and it felt so good to be in Fang's arms. It took only this to realise just how much I loved him. "Hey," I said, looking up at him.

"Yes?" He asked looking expectantly at me. I looked back, thoughtful, he really hadn't changed, he was still Fang. With that I leaned up and kissed him. He seemed shocked at first, but then relaxed and leaned into it, making it softer and sweeter. This was how much I had missed Fang, I sighed closing my eyes and enjoying every moment of this bliss. Eventually, regretfully we pulled apart, wow, when did it get dark?

"Thankyou Max," He whispered to me. "You have no idea how much I've missed that." I smiled at him and settled back into his arms for a while, not wanting this evening to end, but we had to make our plans now, and one thing was for sure, I wasn't going to have a job to go back to. See the lady who runs the club is really nice and all, but she has one big rule, you skip work and you're out. Unless you're like dying or something, or pregnant – and even then there's lots of bar work, otherwise there are no exceptions.

"Fang?" I looked up at him. "I can't go back to work after this."

"No. I wouldn't let you Max." He got a glassed over, almost protective yet angry at the same time look about his face.

"So can we try and find the flock? At least we know there has to be hope." I changed my look to a hopeful one now, knowing that he wouldn't refuse anyway.

"It wouldn't be right if we didn't." He grinned, and that time, the grin had its full old effect on me and sent my heart fluttering.

I sighed and pulled myself gradually to my feet. "Come on. Stay with me. I _refuse _as a leader of this flock, to let you sleep in that hotel." And just like that, we were a flock again, and we headed back to our home, temporary as it may be, it was always home if the flock was together, ok so the flock wasn't together, but it was the closest we had come to being together in a long time, so it felt right to me. Almost.

When we got back, there was one thing I had to do. Well maybe two. Firstly I overpaid Sarah for the babysitting, I told her it was the least I could do if I was going to take my daughter away from her very soon. She looked sad at this, and I felt so bad for her, wondering if it would be the end of the world if she came with us, then remembering she couldn't fly I vowed to myself that the first thing I would do when my flock was back together would be to find a home, and make sure Sarah joined it with us.

Then I did the most important thing I would do that evening, I picked my daughter up and looked her deep in the eyes. She did look a bit like me, her fathers looks were fading, she had my eyes. Despite everything, I found myself smiling at this, and I could tell Fang was bearing I-told-you-so looks into my back. I gently rolled her around in my arms, careful so as not to hurt her. I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't know how to be a mother, but I pulled up her baby grow and looked at what used to be a bare soft baby-skin back, and now had two tiny almost invisible feathers forming, right where her wings should be, and something came back to me. The doctor telling me she was underweight, and speaking of which she didn't feel like a one year old.

"Maybe she is a bird kid," I whispered in realisation, and Fang came and put his arm around us.

"It really is going to be ok," He muttered to me, again, knowing exactly how I was feeling.

"You have to help me," I replied, scared.

"I already love her more than you know, just because she's so much like you." He smiled again, wow so much smiling from Fang, this was not normal. "I couldn't not help if I tried."

I smiled, happy for the first time in too long, two years worth of happiness coming at me at once and it was wonderful. I leaned up to kiss Fang, cradling my daughter in my arms, then pulled back at the last minute. He looked at me, confused.

"I…I never named her." I looked away, ashamed.

"Its ok," He soothed. "Its never too late."

"Its her birthday actually in about," I looked at the clock, "Well now, it's gone midnight. A whole year without a name, well that sucks."

"Perfect," He said. "A name would be an amazing present in her eyes I think."

I looked at her carefully. "Sarah." I said, barely audible. It was perfect, it suited her. Named after the girl with the biggest heart I've ever met.

Fang leaned down and kissed me. "You couldn't have picked a better name."

Everything was perfect, just right. That was until…

"Ahhhhhhhhhh," We heard a scream in the hallway. Sarah, me and Fang looked at each other in recognition and he yanked the door open, whilst I still held onto baby Sarah, not wanting to let go. Erasers. Crap. What a perfect moment, I mean you wait two years when I would have welcomed an eraser attack, and you send them NOW. Where they actually _kidding?_

**A/N: So guess what? This is my longest chapter ever, in any story, almost 3000 words, without authors note. Be warned, for those who thought things were being tied up nicely, this is NOT the end. There a way to go yet. Hello, erasers! Anyway, its hard to write at the moment, as I am outside SO much. I mean it's England we are talking about, and for the last 2 summers, we've had NOTHING but RAIN. However, now we keep getting good old heat waves. I'm BURNT in MAY in ENGLAND. For those who don't live in England, that's not normal. Or doesn't feel like it from the last few years anyway. So let me know what you think reading this chapter. I really enjoyed writing it, and not just because I was in the garden in the sun with my laptop. Only 6 exams to go!**


	6. Message from the 'Ari'bot

Everything was perfect, just right. That was until…

"Ahhhhhhhhhh," We heard a scream in the hallway. Sarah. Me and Fang looked at each other in recognition and he yanked the door open, whilst I still held onto baby Sarah, not wanting to let go. Erasers. Crap. What a perfect moment, I mean you wait two years when I would have welcomed an eraser attack, and you send them NOW. Where they actually _kidding?……_

Acting in a flash, not stopping to think about the things that would fundamentally cross peoples minds in a situation like this one, it all came naturally – the whole acting well in a crisis thing. I zipped baby Sarah into my jacket in a way that she could not fall, and could still breathe, and I tried not to jostle her too much, but that was an art I was going to have to conquer in the future, again the whole mothering didn't come to me yet.

I snapped into hyper-senses and joined Fang in the head-on battle with the erasers, throwing in a quick snap kick to the one that tried to sneak up behind me. I was thinking for two here, thinking of little Sarah the whole time, and for some reason it worked, all I could think now was – survive, survive for Sarah and the flock (if they were alive) – I punched another eraser straight in the jaw.

Erasers were a doddle, we'd managed them way before now, it did confuse me though as to why they'd brought them back, after having retired them all anyway, but I didn't have too long to debate this in my head as an Eraser dropped a kick in my side, knocking the breath out of me as Sarah began to cry out, poor girl, it was all too much for her. But why did I get the feeling that this wasn't going to be the last eraser attack she'd have to survive through?

Fresh anger radiated through me as I thought this, and I swiped out another two erasers in an instant, they were thinning out in numbers now, and I could see the culprit behind the scream. What I could only imagine was a clone of Ari was standing back at the end of the corridor, with his great filthy paws pinning Sarah (the original) against a wall. He waited until I knocked down five more erasers and reached him at the end of the corridor, while Fang covered my back. They evidently reprogrammed him with the old bitter Ari, rather than the latter side I'd seen before he expired, when he'd actually been like the brother he was to me for a bit.

I sighed an angry hiss, and threw myself at him, the power of my motherhood instincts rising up inside me and making me feel invincible as all I could think of was seeing his face smashed in. But before I could do this, the second I'd leapt into the air, he'd thrown his fist into Sarah's head, making a whole in the wall with his effort, as she flopped lifelessly to the ground.

"NOO!" I roared, fresh anger building up now, as my heart felt like it had been the thing behind 'Ari's' fist. Ok, I'd never seen _this_ 'Ari' before, but now it was personal, nothing was going to come between me and his jaw. His head popped out of his neck joint surprisingly easily, I'd have to remember this for future battles, they made the 'clones' - or robots as they basically are – with very weak neck joints, or had my anger-fuelled adrenaline rush just been stronger than I'd thought.

I watched as 'Ari's' head fell to the ground and his body remained standing for a few seconds before some hissing noises could be heard within the wiring.

"Self-destruct, self-destruct in 10 seconds, Max this is not the end, I am the first of many, with every time we meet and you destroy me, they learn and fix my weaknesses, one day I will destroy youuuuuuu…" It fizzled out at the end, the sound had come from somewhere inside the robot and now, as it had said, it was 'self-destructing'.

"Fang, run!" I shouted as I flung myself out of the fire escape and did a quick U and A, while the robot was still fizzing and whirring. Fang flew out the door just after, kicking an Eraser off his leg as he did so. Just as we got high enough into the air, the whole place went up. The 'self-destruct' being more of a 'I'm going to self-destruct and destroy the whole building with me' kind of act. A feeling of pain ripped through me as I thought of the hospitality of the people in that place over the last two years, and the fact that it was still open, and there would have been a few stray men still inside, begging for more before they were chucked out for closing. The whole building was up in flames now and I heard a far-off siren. Me and Fang flew away with haste but in silence, as the realization of what 'Ari' had just said, and of what he did to Sarah just hit me.

First, I had probably lost my best and only friend outside the flock and family, and I was filled with the regret that I never let her in or got to know here better, when all she'd shown me was kindness. I only hoped that her kind selfless spirit could carry on in her namesake with baby Sarah so she could still be with me, and filled me with even more determination to bring her up right now. Secondly, the fear of what the message meant for me and Sarah, was it safe to look for the flock now? Was it safe to bring them back when I knew that we had more of this to face? When I knew that they were improving the 'Ari'-bots each time. So they would fix the neck weakness this time I figured and I would have to find another weakness for them to fix, fear was building up even more now as I realized that if they did this, the message was right, It was going to destroy me in the end, but I didn't want it to destroy everything I stood for at the same time.

Even so, I wasn't going to be able to manage this alone, me and Fang managed them just about, but we still hadn't wiped out all the erasers on our own, the explosion did that. So I needed my flock more than ever, my little mini army of a loyal family. I wanted to see their little faces more than ever.

I looked across at Fang as we landed in the clearing of a forest upon his lead. This was not good. What did this mean for us? For our future? For the flock? An most importantly Sarah?

**A/N: Good? Bad? Tell me what you think, the review button is right there, only a little flick of the mouse and you're there. But anyway thank you for the great reviews I've been getting. What do you want next? Flock? Or more action first? Or more FAX first? Or something to do with Sarah? Let me know, it can only improve the story if I include what you want.**


	7. Angel?

**A/N: No explanation for late entry, I've had time, just not felt like writing, really tired right now.**

The next morning, after resting in the clearing for the night, we set off in search of the flock, we'd had a discussion about it and decided, they were our family, we needed them, we didn't want to hurt them, but that was unimportant when we knew they'd be hurting if they found out that we hadn't looked for them and then wound up dead. So we thought, where to start, firstly, where would Angel go, all alone (presuming they were alone), where would a six, now eight, year old girl go in America? Well, there were a few places, I knew she'd had her eye on that toy shop in New York for a start, but I couldn't see Angel lasting in New York, or even wanting to go back, after the subway tunnels, and for fear Total would get captured so close to his origin.

So then there was Disneyworld, now I figure she would feel she had unfinished business there, having never had a full day there before, so we headed in that direction, probably a day or so's flight from here. Unfortunately, Sarah was in full crying mode by the time we got in the air, and me, being me, had NO idea what to do. I looked at Fang helplessly.

"Maybe she's hungry?" He asked, giving me an encouraging smile. Oh crap of course, if she was a bird kid, she probably needed a hell of a lot of milk inside her, and I didn't even think. I may be used to going without food, but a 1 year old couldn't cope with that. I looked down and surveyed the landscape below, there was a town coming up, and my raptor vision caught a little convenience store, I motioned to Fang that I was going down.

Luckily, in my emotionless life for the past few years, I've felt little need to spend money, and I've been saving it all up on this card for a while, like I said, I got good pay. I swung down to the shop, and found diapers, a bag, bottles, milk, baby food in case she wanted to eat now, I had no idea what one year olds ate, and this funny carrier thing that I could sling across my back with her inside it, along with some energy bars and bottles of water for me and Fang.

I slung everything in the bag outside until it was almost bursting, took an energy bar for now and handed one to Fang, then found some public restrooms where I could change Sarah, which was a new experience in itself, I eventually managed to follow the instructions on the diaper packet, can you believe they have those? Maybe I'm not the only helpless mother in America.

Then I eased he gently into the carrier and onto my back before heading to the bottom of the car park, where Fang already had the bag on his back, and a there's-no-way-you're-carrying-this-and-the-baby look when I was about to question him. I sent him a thankful look, and we did a U and A.

After about an hour of flying, I remembered I still hadn't fed Sarah and mentally kicked myself, this would take some getting used to. I didn't want to admit this mistake to Fang, and began swooping down with no warning into a fairly secluded area behind some trees. He caught on and followed, where we began the test of figuring out what to feed Sarah, in the end, she gobbled up the tiny jars of food, I didn't know if it was normal for her to eat by now, but let it pass, bird-kids aren't normal, and what did I know? But she still drank some of the formula milk, which she had to drink cold with our water, because we couldn't light a fire and warm it.

When I was fairly happy that she was full and didn't need another change, we packed up and headed out again, Fang never said anything about my lack of parental responsibility, he was so good at knowing what I want and don't want. At the end of the day, we were about a couple hours at the most out of Disneyworld, and stopped in a hotel, not a posh one, we didn't want our money running out on us, but not like the one Fang stayed in either.

We all showered, ate and I changed Sarah ready for bed. I think she slept a few hours on my back earlier, was it normal for her to nap? I figured so, as even I was exhausted by the end of the day. I was also wary throughout the day of flying too high, I wasn't sure of how developed her air sacs were yet and whether she could take the high altitudes. Fang promised to let me know the first signs of her looking troubled with breathing or anything.

Me and Fang pretty much flaked out as soon as she was asleep in the cot in our room. We were exhausted from flying and we had another long day ahead of us, we didn't mind sleeping in the double bed together, it was like we were a proper couple now anyway, complete with my illegitimate baby that wasn't even his. We were so tired that I slept as soon as my head hit the pillow and I think he did the same. Sarah didn't wake us until morning, I always thought babies were meant to wake up a lot, but she never really had, and didn't make a noise if she did.

I went through the usual routines, it was weird, they had become usual in a day, and I'd picked them up in a snap, I mean don't get me wrong I still had no idea what I was doing, but I knew enough to know she liked me holding her close and cradling her, and she liked being bounced and spoken to, I even heard her laugh after breakfast, and it filled me with joy, to hear my own daughter happy for a few insignificant but meaningful seconds of her life.

It took us no time at all to get to Disneyworld after that, but when we got there, into the crowd of the masses and masses of people, it hit me, what the heck was I looking for? Did I think when I got there that there'd be a big sign saying Angel's here!? I looked around in the welling crowd, waiting for the gates to open, did I mention I Hate crowds? A lot! That was then we figured we should get back in the air, scan the city around Disney, I mean, the chances of her being at Disney That day, if any were remote, so it seemed a good an Idea as any, I was so disappointed in myself at having not thought this through, I was so out of practice.

It took a good few hours to search, but eventually we retired and flew out to the beach, which took even more time up. It was hopeless to expect something, it was a hopeless lead anyway. But something still told me she was in the state somewhere, problem was, where? That was when I remembered the ultra obvious.

Angel! Can you hear me Angel!? I thought this as loud as I could in my head, imagined pushing it ahead of all the other thoughts on the beach, or in the whole of the next few cities, though there I knew I would struggle.

It was an unsuccessful idea, but I refused to stop trying, I would think hard on the beach until we'd eaten, then think hard all around the state until she heard me, who knows, I'd try round the whole of America if it helped.

Just before we had finished on the beach, and were packing away, after I'd played with Sarah for a bit, having decided I loved the sight of her little face crinkling with laughter, but not stopping the Angel thought-waves the whole time, I suddenly spotted something out of the corner of my eye. Call me crazy, but I swear I saw a little blonde head pop out of the water way out to sea. Now why would a little girl be that far out to sea?

Unless she could breathe underwater? The thought struck me, and I almost immediately dismissed it, but the more I thought it, the more I couldn't dismiss it. No parent would let their kid be there, and she still hadn't moved, apart from her little head looking quizzically around, like she could hear something. That was then she swung round and from way out there looked me _straight_ in the eye.


	8. Overwhelmed AN:not my best work

**A/N: New chapter, sorry for the wait. Please let me know what you think and I'll try and update when I can, review depending. **

That was what got me in the end, normal kids couldn't see from that far away, for her to manage to look me right in the eye must mean that she had raptor vision or something, and I could tell now that I could see her head on that it was the same little cute-bambi-eyes-angelic face that I'd been used to for years. The past two years hadn't changed her one bit.

Before I knew what I was doing I ran straight for the water with the intention of pulling my wings out and flying out to her, flying was so much faster than swimming. Then I remembered the ridiculously over-crowded beach and thought better of it, this was a swimming job, so ditching my shoes and phone on the beach for Fang to retrieve I ran headlong, fully clothed into the water.

I didn't care how cold it was or maybe it was warm, I didn't even notice temperature. I had one thing on my mind right now: get Angel. There wasn't anything that could stop me as I began swimming as fast as I could (FYI, not very fast) until she disappeared from my sight. Oh bugger, I forgot about the underwater breathing thing. All I could do was carry on in the direction I had seen her. When I got to about as far out as she'd been I stopped, where was she?

I trod water for a few minutes looking around in desperation. Had I imagined it? Had it not been her? What if I couldn't get back? The tide was quite strong there and, call me paranoid, but I could swear I was being dragged out to sea.

I sighed a deep breath and decided I couldn't swim forever, and I didn't want to draw attention to myself by taking off, so reluctantly I headed back for the shore. But I hadn't got more than a few pathetic strokes closer to the beach when a little blond head bobbed up, not 2 inches from my face, causing me to spring back in shock. It only took about 2 more seconds for realisation to sing in while she grinned her little grin at me before I flung my arms around her, forgetting about keeping afloat and the fact we were almost a mile out to sea and fought back tears of relief.

In an instant we were a mess of jumbled words, both of us trying to say a billion things at once and close to sinking I remembered to move my legs and keep me afloat. I saw a tear In Angel's eye before she could hide it and blink it away and held her closer. I had missed her so much.

Eventually, I decided I couldn't swim much longer and let go of Angel, but when I tried to swim back to the beach, with her close beside me, I felt the current pulling me further out, and in sudden panic realised just how far out to sea we were. I tried swimming harder, but Angel stopped me.

"It won't help," She said, looking completely un-panicked, how is she not worried??

"Wait here," She muttered and once again disappeared from my sight, but this time only for a matter of seconds. With her, she brought the most beautiful dolphin I've ever seen. She was sitting on it, while it remained underwater and urged me to do the same.

How was this safe? I thought, but I had no other choice and did what she said. Within seconds we were speeding back towards the beach, and I tried to grip on tight, but to what? The dolphin remained out of sight the whole time we were going back to the beach and slipped away when it got shallower. By that point all it took was wading back to the beach. I wouldn't have hurried at this point apart from the fact that from here I could hear Sarah screaming at the shore. I started wading faster, and even swimming a bit until I got out of the water, leaving Angel momentarily behind, though I didn't want her out of my sight.

But as soon as I reached Sarah, Fang had her in his arms, feeding her milk and talking to her comfortingly. I stood there dripping wet a few metres away for a minute watching. He was so good with her, it warmed my heart (cliché as that sounded.) Angel came and joined me and asked me quizzically in my head who she was.

I smiled warmly and replied that she was my daughter. She looked at me wide eyed and impressed, she was still at the age where she thought babies were cool and there wasn't a problem with a 16 year old having one. Then she looked as though a thought struck her and asked if it was mine and Fangs. For a minute I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to tell the younger ones about my past, but did I want them to think that Fang was the father?

Then it struck me that hiding my past from a mind-reading 8-year-old would be tricky, and she looked at me filled with understanding. She already understood more about my past than I'd let on to Fang. 'I won't tell the others', she thought to me. I smiled at her gratefully; she reacts so well to things like this. She held her little hand in mine, letting me know that it was ok and it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't regret anything.

I looked up at Fang and smiled again. Regardless of the past, he felt like the father to me, he was a better father to her than anyone could be, biologically or otherwise. Angel grinned at me again in agreement.

People were starting to leave the beach for the night now, and the dark was starting to draw in. As we'd left a lot of the stuff we bought yesterday at the hotel, we decided to head back there, but what about Angel.

"Angel, where do you live now?" I Asked cautiously, the thought only just having struck me that she may not want to come with us.

"I love in the cliff, don't worry I want to come with you," She smiled still gripping my hand. In the cliff? It took me a minute to realise she must mean a cave.

"Angel, have you been living in a cave for 2 years?" I asked worriedly. That wasn't good for a little girl on her own, how did she eat?

"No, I had a family. But they wanted some doctors to test on me because they must have guessed about my mind-reading, so I ran away a few months ago. And foods really easy, I can just come to the beach stands and control their minds." I mentally kicked myself, she could control minds, and she had been left free in a world where she knew no boundaries. I sighed, giving her a you-know-not-to-do-that look.

"I only did it 'cos I had to," She said, sounding really little and looking ashamed. "I know I shouldn't Max, I tried really hard to be good, honest." How is it that after two cold-hearted years, I'm still helpless to bambi eyes?

"Do you have any belongings?" I asked, giving in to the previous matter.

She shook her head. "Usually, I just get new clothes when mine fall apart, I told you, I only control people when I need to." She said, and I started to believe her. "But," she hesitated, then ran off up the beach to the back of an ice cream stand, where a very annoyed looking Total appeared at being left all day and she came skipping back with Celeste, her bear. When total spotted us, her began running headlong at us, and jumped into my arms, licking my face. I forgot how annoying he could be, needless to say though, I was still quite happy to see him.

I was so bewildered and confused. Everything was happening quicker than I'd thought and it was overwhelming and baffling. Fang saw the look on my face and silently suggested that we go back, without words, just a glance, and I understood. I'll always understand those eyes. Sarah had fallen asleep in his arms, so swiftly, I strapped the carrier to my back and he slid her in so softly, that she wouldn't wake, and wordlessly, we gathered the bag and found a quiet side street off the beach where we could take off.

When we got back to the hotel, we put Sarah straight to bed in her cot, and Total curled up beside it, he'd taken quite a shine to her already. Then we settled Angel down on the sofa, with the promise to get explanations out tomorrow, and she quickly fell fast asleep.

I sighed and looked at Fang, and knew everything he was feeling as well as he knew mine, and he held out his arms to me in an embrace, I'd never grow tired of Fang just holding me, so we stood there wordlessly for a few minutes, before going to bed, where Fang put a supporting arm round my shoulders, and I rested my head on his, thinking of how long it would take me to get to sleep, but the next thing I knew, Fang was coming into the room with several bags of Mcdonalds breakfast and light filled the room. I sighed deeply, again, and got up ready for another long day.


	9. Back to where we started

**a/n: anyone else care to agree with me that English weather is horrible. I've been back from my sunny holiday in the south of France for 6 days to solid and constant rain. I miss the sun!**

Sarah began howling as Fang came in and he immediately went towards her, but I put my hand up in protest, this was something that I needed to get used to and the past has taught me not to lean on Fang so much. Not because I think he'll scarper one day, but because if he was taken from me I would be left confused and alone, I needed to know how to fend for myself and my daughter in the real world rather than hiding from my problems and retreating inside myself.

Sarah was quite easy to take care of I'd learned. She guzzled down the formula milk, which we could warm in the hotel room, and gobbled down more jars of baby food than seemed natural, but being a bird kid, didn't gain any weight. After this routine, she generally needed burping, something I'd spotted the original Sarah doing, the one who was now in cinders where I used to work, who made me choke up just thinking about her.

Changing her nappies was beginning to become automatic, once you knew what you were doing, it was hardly rocket science. Today, before doing this, I decided to run her a shallow bath in the tub in our hotel bathroom, needed to make the most of the facilities while we had them after all. When I'd finally finished sorting Sarah out and dressed her, I set her on my lap and joined the others for breakfast. I had 4 big breakfasts alone along with a side of fries and a milkshake, Fang had the same, and Angel and Total had pancakes instead.

I kept bobbing Sarah on my lap and talking to her while we were eating, I was starting to get really attached to my little one year old, who - as we discovered yesterday - could already walk nearly as well as a 4-year –old and whose wings were making more of an appearance by the day.

We also caught up with Angel over the last 2 years, there wasn't a lot to tell, other than her coming to Florida, because she wanted to live in Disneyworld, but on the first night, the security guards found her curled under Splash Mountain, and took her to the local police station, who then re-homed her with a nice family. They looked after her without question for nearly two years, and she had been made to go to school. They never discovered her wings, but after they'd started to figure that she had mind-powers, they had gotten too curious and she had run away to the cave, where she talked to the various animals for company, (obviously a very normal 8 year old thing to do).

When we'd finished eating and catching up, we made up our mind about where to go next. Angel told us how much she had missed her big brother - the obnoxious, now 10-year-old Gazzy, and we decided that the likelihood was that he had gone back to Colorado, to the E-shaped house, if there were no whitecoats to speak of.

So shortly after, we decided to hit the road, or okay, maybe I meant the air. We were still travelling light and I made a mental note to go buy us some clothes at some point, but our money wouldn't last forever so I hoped destroying the erasers again wouldn't take as long as it did last time. We decided to wait until we'd found the flock to make an assessment as to what we should buy.

Today though, I couldn't get Sarah to settle on my back, she screamed for ages, and there was nothing up with her, she was clean, fed and seemed fine, I couldn't understand it. We didn't have the time to lose to stop for long, so instead of putting her back in the carrier, I cradled her close to my body in my arms and carried her. She was silent. Well that was a muddle, but I didn't have time to question it.

The flight to Colorado was boring to say the least. And took far too long, I don't even want to go into the stops we had to make on the way, Sarah was starting to take her toll on me. Eventually though we got there, it felt like it had taken months when it had been no where near that.

The house was still standing, though drastically more dilapidated than we'd expected. It had evidently been thoroughly raided on more than one occasion, by erasers, by flyboys, by whitecoats, who knows, they were looking for information though. What filled my heart with dread though, was that it looked like it had been re-raided recently, what if Gazzy had been here, and now… that was a sickening thought. But it couldn't be true?

We decided it was best to stick together rather than split, if the erasers were likely to be waiting anywhere, it was here. So, carefully, quietly, slowly, and holding onto Fang's and Angel's hands, whilst I'd switched Sarah's carrier round to my front where I could keep my eye on her, we crept into the desolate house, that had once been a home to us.

There were signs of recent life here definitely, but I couldn't identify who it was… we tried the den, that's where Gazzy would be right? No sign. His old room… well the bed was slept in, but not as recently as Iggy's. Huh? That was weird. We crept slowly back downstairs, after looking in all the upstairs rooms, and I heard a creak from the basement stairs, letting go of the others' hands, I put my finger to my lips, and tiptoed to the door, I turned the handle quietly, and then yanked the door open, where a person fell to the floor at my feet.

I jumped back in surprise; I hadn't thought there really would be someone there. Iggy looked up at me with his sightless eyes in surprise, and for a minute there was fear in them.

"It's ok Igs," I said grapping his hand, and pulling him to his feet.

"Max? You're…alive?..."He looked, or rather stood, disbelieving for a second. Then reached out and grabbed me in an embrace, taking me aback for a second, and apparently him, Sarah started squawking between us, where she'd been crushed, Iggy hadn't known to watch her. I bounced her gently, rubbing her back and shushing her. I really didn't have time to sort her out properly.

"Who's that Max?" Iggy asked uncertainly. We all went to sit in the kitchen and Iggy fixed us a proper meal while I explained everything about me and the last few days and Angel and Fang told their stories. Finding the whole flock wasn't taking the time, it was the explanations.

"I…I thought you were the Erasers again Max," Iggy said scared.

"Again?" Fang piped in.

Iggy looked at his feet, or rather he would have done if he could see and explained, "They took Gazzy. We were doing fine here. We were making a supply of bombs," he looked ashamed at this. "In case something happened," he went on. "But we weren't prepared when they came. It had been so long, we let our guard down, and…and…" He paused, pain ceasing over his face. "We tried to fight, but two of us wasn't enough, even with the bombs. They took him away, I don't know how I escaped, but I did. I don't know where they went though. I heard them mention Hawaii, don't ask why. I'm just saying what I heard, maybe it was a false lead, I…I don't know. Sorry"

"Iggy man," Fang said supportively, pulling him into a man hug. "It's not your fault. I know two isn't enough. Me and Max struggled on our own as well, we were lucky, we only got away by means of a huge explosion."

Nevertheless, Iggy was upset, and couldn't help blaming himself. I felt bad, but I had to leave Fang and Angel to console him, while I fed and changed Sarah. Angel looked upset too, but she was being strong, and she held Iggy's hand, trying to make him feel better. I sent her a look and sent her encouraging thoughts, thanking her for being a big brave girl. She gave me a weak smile.

After we'd eaten, we decided to rest, go to sleep, before tomorrow's long flight to find Nudge. We didn't even know where to look for her. We decided there was safety in numbers, and as there were only 4 of us (and a baby), we all slept in one room. Me and Fang shared a bed, with Sarah between us. Then Angel and Iggy had a bed each (we had to drag one of the girls beds into the boys room to do this).

As a matter of precaution, I decided to keep watch, and Fang made me promise to wake him after 3 hours, to swap. I smiled and nodded, kissing him goodnight for support, then settled down to watch Sarah's gentle rise and fall of breath. It was so peaceful. Tomorrow was another day, and I should probably grab onto peaceful moments while they lasted.

**A/N: To confidential - may I ask why she had to find Iggy? I was going to make this Gazzy's chapter, but changed my mind after your review, still slightly confused though. Let me know please, and keep the requests coming so I can improve my writing. Thanks.**

**Sorry that I can't do everything you guys ask me to do. I'm trying to take as much advice as possible. But I can't put them all in more than one place. Thanks for the tips though, keep them coming please. Reviews do help.**


	10. Nudge, nearly

**Wow, um, call this inspiration, or most likely boredom…but I'm pretty sorry. I try to write when I feel like it. But school's tough and distracting now. Oh yeah, and if you've read the latest book, please don't give anything away, I only realised it was out today, so I've ordered it. But it won't come for a few days, so give me a bit **

I woke up with more energy than I'd had in a long time to the smell of Iggy's cooking -this was a bad thing, it struck me - we must have slept longer than planned, but I checked round the room and Angel was still sleeping, so I guessed the guys had taken Sarah downstairs, and let it slip, I felt better for the sleep.

Reluctant to leave Angel on her own up here, I dressed quickly and shook her awake gently.

"Come on honey, it's time to get up, we've gotta go look for Nudge," I smiled at her sweetly, knowing she wasn't a big morning person, but she surprised me by jumping straight out of bed and running to get dressed.

She saw me looking confused and ran over to give me a big hug, "I miss Nudge," she explained. I wondered how she must have done for the last 2 years without Nudge -Nudge was like a big sister to her, and of course she must have missed her a lot.

We both went downstairs together, I was eager to see Sarah, having already become more attached to her than I'd ever imagined or knew was good for me, but didn't want to let Angel out of my sight, I guess my mothering the flock over the years made it come natural to me around Sarah. As I'd expected, Fang was in the kitchen feeding Sarah, whilst Iggy cooked some eggs, they smelled so good, and I can't believe how much I've actually missed those.

When Sarah saw me, her little arms outstretched toward me and her hands made grasping movements, for a small second a little tear came to my eye, before I blinked it away, remembering to keep it together for the flock. Fang helped her down to the floor, and she stepped excitedly towards me, I'd never get tired of seeing that, when she was close enough to reach, I grabbed her up in a big hug and kissed her nose, watching her face light up and she reached a hand to my cheek.

We had a fairly quick breakfast that morning, and then grabbed what we needed from the house, because I figured we wouldn't be stopping for a while now to get supplies at least. This was when we made the discovery – as we'd run out of baby food – that Sarah would wolf down almost as much bacon and eggs as the rest of us. I still wasn't sure if this was good or bad, or highly unorthodox, but she was becoming more and more like one of us every day, much to my delight.

We managed a fairly quick getaway that morning in the usual formation. This having the flock back together thing was beginning to feel really good, ok, so no, really good was an exaggeration, because my stomach was filled with worry for Nudge and dread for Gazzy, but my heart was filled with hope again, after two years of nothing, I couldn't believe how easy it was. There had to be a catch, I mean, if it was this easy all along, then why the hell hadn't we found each other already? Maybe it took time apart for people to find each other again, clearly I hadn't found myself in my solitude, heck, without my flock, I wasn't myself. Maybe that was the important message here. But whatever it was, I was learning, fast, and I was struggling to keep up with the advances we were making day by day. Needless to say, things have never been easy for us. So something told me it wasn't about to last.

We'd been heading west for so long now that I couldn't admit to the flock that I didn't know why west, it had seemed like a good idea this morning, but as we headed over Nevada, and I realised Nudge would never be there, it sort of hit me, we had no choice but to go to California to look for her, it was that or admit I didn't have a clue, and hey, why not California, she'd love LA that girl. So heading slightly more south-west than before I was happy, we were aiming somewhere now.

As I flew Sarah grabbed a handful of my hair and mumbled into my back, I grinned, feeling my heart soften, who knew? Maximum Ride has a maternal side after all. As we flew, Angel got closer to my side.

"I think Nudge would like California too," she smiled, genuinely, and I knew she wouldn't give away my lack of knowledge here. We flew in silence for a few minutes, I'd almost missed Angel reading my mind for so long.

"I tried looking for you all once," she admitted after a bit. "I've never found mind-reading so exhausting. I picked through every head I could find looking for one of you. But I always gave up in the end, my head started to hurt, and I hated it, Max." She was barely whispering this above the sound of the wind. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad for her, my poor Angel must have been more frustrated than any of us, she had the power to hear us when we weren't trying, it must have killed her to stop.

"I had to Max," she muttered, a tear verging in one of her young blue eyes. "I couldn't stand it anymore…I really thought you'd all been…" She didn't speak the word. She didn't have to.

I reached a hand out as best as I could and held hers. "We all did Ange." I tried to comfort her, sending her encouraging thoughts.

Again after a while, she grinned at me. "She really loves you, you know," Angel glanced at my back, and with her free hand waved at Sarah. My brain froze, Angel could hear her then? She grinned at me again and nodded. "She loved you from the start, she doesn't care about the other stuff," – referring of course to my lack of parental responsibility. I smiled to myself at this, though thinking it wasn't right, and I still had a hell of a lot to repay her. "Fang never stopped loving you either," she whispered.

"I know Angel, I know exactly how he feels."

"You two are so meant for each other, you should get married." I stared at her in alarm, Ok, even I had limits, 16-year-old mutant-bird-kid-with-a-kid on the run here, we'd been together for days.

"I mean, you know…one day," she smiled. Relief passed for a second, though I still couldn't be sure with that girl.

We coasted down to a town on the edge of California for lunch when Iggy started to moan at me to rustle up some grub. He was used to having a kitchen to cook his own meals for a bit I guess, and was starting to sound more like the Ig I knew, with a tinge of sadness that we all felt edging his voice, worse for him of course.

Not long now until we found Nudge right? I hoped.

After "rustling up some grub", we lazed on the grass for a bit. Ok, we'd crossed America in a matter of days, we needed a rest sometime. But like I said, we're the flock, nothing good lasts… Angel looked up to the sky before any of us.

"Uhh, Max?"…


	11. An army of my robot halfbrothers

**This is for the machete-holding bunny.**

The droning began. Oh heck.

Immediately I sprang into action, ok so I'd had some time off, but this was all still pretty mechanic to me, the only new thing was ensuring Sarah was safe on my front, there was no way I was taking my eyes off her.

"Up and away?" Fang suggested, not looking too hopeful.

There were hundreds of them, we had no hope against this many, but I wasn't about to give that away to my flock, they may be older now, but I wasn't about to admit that we weren't going to make it. We had to do this for Nudge. And for Gazzy.

"No," I answered, "there's too many, we can't fly out… battle from the ground guys, Iggy, ten o clock in about 5 seconds, everyone else, make sure all heck breaks loose ok?"

With that the first of these erasers hit us, but as a metal hand hit me around the head, making even me see starts, realisation hit me.

"It's the eraser-bots guys, hit them round the head, they have loose necks." Trying to keep calm and stay in battle mode was baffling and harder than ever, as I turned around to face yet another Ari, killing your own brother once was hard enough, befriending him and them watching him expire was harder, being faced with an army of his evil self was the worst yet. The only good news was that they hadn't fixed the neck joints, so maybe the recorded message wasn't right.

The recorded message, I counted back about 9 seconds since I'd killed the first bot.

"UP AND AWAY!" I yelled, hightailing it out of there just as first one, then two, and more started "Self-destructing". Heck, so they'd gotten rid of the recorded message to trick us.

Turning in midair to count heads I shouted "report", starting to realise what a good revelation this meant, so the new bots self destructed after 10 seconds, all we had to do was kill one and fly away…

"Here," Fang grinned, as realisation hit him too.

"Here," Angel grinned too.

"Uh, what's going on?" Iggy managed.

"Here," Nudge beamed, right by my face.

Wait….WHAT? "Nudge!" I yelled, forgetting Sarah, or the fact that I was in midair, and throwing my arms round her neck.

"Wow, Max. I'm falling, seriously, like let go," She laughed. Then, I caught myself as we were nearing the ground and let go.

"Oh, my God, you guys are like alive, have you been alive all this time? I left, but I never expected to find anything, I was only flying for what, half an hour. Like, wow, omg, you have a baby Max? Please tell me it's yours. Is Fang the father? Like that's so…" I shoved my hand over her mouth in an attempt to silence her, laughing.

"Slow down Nudge," I said, just as Angel flew over and catapulted herself at Nudge, and the two managed to jump excitedly in mid-air, holding onto each others arms. I'm not even kidding, I don't know how you manage to jump in mid-air.

Fang flew over to my side, after having filled Iggy in on the Ari-bots. "Did you see her sneak up on us?" I asked him suspiciously. He shook his head. We stood watching in silence for a few minutes, chuckling, and letting them excite themselves out, I couldn't even catch glimpses of words, they were just talking so fast.

A little hand reached up to my face, silently asking me in her eyes who Nudge was, by looking between us. I smiled at her softly, "she's family". Then she looked at me again, and looked down at the burning remains of the eraser-bots or ari-bots, and I shook my head, "they're mean and nasty." She giggled at this, and I frowned, did I have a masochistic child, she seemed excited that they were burning down there. Oh well, prepares her for the worst I guess.

When the excited squeal of jarbled nonsense stopped between Nudge and Angel, which despite itself made me happy, Nudge turned round to me. "I really missed you guys, like really, so much…" she was about to ramble on again, but I shot her a look and she stopped herself.

"How did you appear?" I asked, still confused at the point of the 10 second battle where she had appeared, obviously, I'd been slightly distracted, so hadn't noticed if someone else had been fighting with us.

"Well, I was in LA, and like, it was amazing Max, there were like girls with actual fashion sense, I mean not that you guys don't or anything, but I mean it was like pink heaven, and I went to school, and it was amazing, I went shopping like all the time, and my friends all loved it like as much as me…and I had a family, well, not a real family, and not like you guys, but I really wanted to start school, and the principal said he like needed to know my home address, and didn't believe that I didn't have one because it was like LA, hello. So….. I may have abused the rules just a teeeensy bit, and hacked a computer or two to find families that like wanted kids and stuff…" wait, she did just say what I thought right? I looked at Fang alarmed and he shrugged. "…and like there was one that sounded perfect, so I asked them to keep me." I wasn't going to ask. "They were nice and all though, I mean, they let me go to school, and have my friends round and go to parties, and gave me money to shop and stuff…" She trailed off at this point. For Nudge to be speechless seemed odd. I mean I was so glad Nudge had had the childhood she wanted at last, even if she got it the wrong way, but why did she leave?

"And what Nudge? Weren't you happy honey?" I asked.

"I missed you is all." She looked up at me, a sad look in her eyes. "And like, it didn't seem right not kicking eraser butt all the time, so I figured, even if you guys were… well if you weren't around anymore, I couldn't stay, I was like wasting my wings or something, so I figured it was time to stretch out my wings again, I bought like presents for all of you, just in case I found you, and like I didn't expect anything, I didn't even know where I was going, like, I was just flying for a bit, but I saw the eraser things all flying towards something, and I figured that even though I was on my own, they must be attacking something right? And whoever it was, I wanted to join them, I mean any enemy of them is a friend of mine, and when I flew close enough, they were already on the ground and I could see it was you, and I was about to join you, but you flew up towards me, and I thought you'd seen me, so I was about to fly towards you, but then I saw them explode, so I kinda stayed put, and then thought I'd surprise you instead," she grinned.

Wow, that was the longest speech I'd ever let Nudge give me, but I had to know what was going on…huh, seemed believable.

"So you uh….bought us gifts?" I asked, smiling.

"Yes like oh my god, you'll so love it Max, I got you like a really cute outfit, its like so you, it's like, well its just so cute." She pulled a pink top and black skirt out of her bag and I rolled my eyes.

"Urm, skirts aren't so good for flying," I muttered, catching the smirk on Fang's face, and silencing it with a scowl, or at least trying to.

"Come on, lets hit a hotel or something guys," I mumbled, before she offloaded the contents of her bag in mid-air so she wouldn't drop everything. Something still lingered in my mind, the eraser bots were getting better at finding us, and Gazzy was still at the biggest threat, so Hawaii wasn't going to take too long from here, but some crazy thought told me it just might be a bit more difficult, things were way too easy here, it just wasn't right.


	12. A morning with Sarah

That evening, we sat there in the hotel room on the sofa watching some trashy sitcom, Fang had his arm around me, massaging the spot between my wings, Nudge was curled up next to me, with Iggy on the end more listening than watching, not looking at all pleased that Total was on his lap, and Angel was sat on the floor in front, playing with Sarah. It occurred to me then that Angel could communicate with my daughter in a way I couldn't, ok so she can't speak yet, but some of her thoughts had to be comprehensive, and she pretty much understood us. I sighed, and Angel gave me a look of sympathy, sending me a promise in my head that she'd translate if I wanted. I simply smiled at her in thanks, but shook my head, for now I'd let them play their game. I was happier than I'd been in so long I couldn't remember, we really started to feel like a family again. But somewhere in the pit of my stomach and at the back of my throat, all I could feel was the absence of a member of my flock. Fang seemed to sense my discomfort and rubbed my back some more, soothing me to the point where eventually my worries slipped away along with my consciousness.

I woke up the next morning earlier than everyone else for once, I suddenly realised that we'd abandoned night watches since reforming, yet now was when it was most important, we had Sarah to protect. I'd have to remember that tonight, I thought to myself, as I stood watching her sleep, but not for long as she started to cry as soon as she woke up, I lifted her up and to see what she wanted, but she wasn't hungry or in need of a change, she just sat happily in my lap on the sofa, maybe she just wanted company for a bit, I figured.

I sat and bounced her on my lap and talked to her for a bit, watching her face crease with laughter, she really was one of the most beautiful children I'd ever seen, and I still had no idea what I was doing with her, I mean, she was getting so big already, and her wings were getting there too. I decided I'd take her out to go get breakfast, so dressed her, and got dressed and washed myself, and not bothering to take the carrier, held her hand and watched her plod happily along the corridor, and down the staircase, she seemed delighted in having me to herself for once, and I had to admit I did too. There were some things that had changed since before all this, then the flock were the most important part of my world, but now, Sarah was part of that, and she took up such a huge portion of that.

I carried her in my arms to the sandwich bar down the road and stocked up on as much as I could carry, having to lift her onto my shoulders on the way back, and hearing her squeal in delight.

"You like that up there huh? Wait 'til you can fly for yourself," I grinned at the thought of watching her first flight. How was it that I could ignore her for so long, and then get so attached this quickly.

We got back to the room and munched breakfast down as quickly as possible with the flock, before jetting off to find Gazzy, we stocked up on food before we left, fearing that the easy part was over and it would be a while now before we could eat and wash and all that other normal stuff again.

**Ok, so here's the deal: I need your help, I was going to make this chapter the one where Sarah's power appears….but I don't know what power to give her, she's so little, but she could be so useful, and as I'm not giving her a voice quite yet, I need to think of a kick-ass power. Please can you guys give me some ideas, I'd be forever grateful, and it'll make the story better, because this chapter now doesn't seem as right without the appearance of the power, but I'll have to live with that. Thanks guys. **


	13. The cave

I scanned the horizon repeatedly as we flew out over pure ocean. This would be the kind of flying that any other time I would absolutely have loved, the kind where there's nothing but you and the sky and the sea (and your adoring, almost complete flock), where you could swoop to the water's level and dip your hand in as you fly. But here's the cinch with me, I can't explain why, but there's a massive bunch of bulging erasers after us, they have my (for all intensive purposes) little brother in captivity in Hawaii (of all places why Hawaii?) and so every few seconds I'm scanning and checking over my shoulder, just being paranoid and waiting for them to appear out of nowhere.

Fang caught my eye and gave me an understanding, soothing look, catching sight straight away of what was up and how to help me. His looks went deeper than any glances I'd ever caught in my life. It was among his many talents, which made me feel all the less equal to him. He had Sarah on his back, and she looked so content and relaxed up here that it soothed me a little.

"Max?" Angel called. I gave her an answering look. "I think I can hear Gaz," She grinned. What? We couldn't even see land yet, and she could hear his thoughts already? "Not exactly," She muttered, answering the thoughts in my head. Now she'd got me, that child never ceased to amaze me, what the heck was she going on about. "Well, I can't make his thoughts out yet, but I can hear lots of thoughts all at once, thinking exactly the same thing." Did this girl need to get any more cryptic? "They, uh, _smell_ something…" Ok, that was enough said.

"Which direction?" I asked straight away, knowing that the only time that a big bunch of people are worried about a smell, was either a catastrophic explosion at a rubbish dump, or the Gasman. Angel adjusted course slightly, only tilting her feathers just so, as we'd learnt from the time spent on the cliffs near my mother's house, living among birds. We all followed suit, with suitable instructions for Iggy and within fifteen minutes I could make out a small land mass on the verge of the horizon.

"So since when have you been able to hear thoughts from so far away?" I quizzed Angel as we flew closer into land. But Angel was frowning about something or other.

"Later, Max. You know how I taught you guys to mind block?" Uh oh. This can't be good. "You're right Max. I'm not the biggest threat here. You guys need to put up your shields NOW. And be on the lookout for other crazy stuff too. These guys are…different, they're prepared for us, they may even be better than us at our own tricks."

The following is not in Max's POV, due to her mind-block not letting me access her thoughts

The flock begun their descent carefully, not that there was ever any way they could hide themselves and their entry to the small island (certainly not one of Hawaii's largest). They found a suitable place to come into land on the beach and landed very stylishly, considering they'd had two years off 'long-haul' flights anyway. It was somewhat like riding a bike to the flock, only much more natural.

Fang snapped Sarah round to his front, glancing worriedly at her and exchanging concerned glances with Max. After that, it was stealthily goes it, Max tapped Iggy's hand, and they crept silently (or as silent as you can be on sand, where only your blind flock member can hear you) towards a cave at the far end of the beach, staying as close together as possible. There really didn't seem anywhere else to go on this island, give or take a few trees, and there wasn't likely to be any evil hostage-holders inside those.

Angel reached for Max's hand, trying to put on a brave face, and almost totally failing. That was certainly never a good sign, considering she was generally one step ahead of the rest of them. The cave loomed up darker and darker, the depths seemingly never-ending, gradually heading down further and further, until they were no longer beneath the island itself, just the "pure ocean", and still it went on further, with no apparent signs of life. Even raptor vision was failing down here, so the flock were stumbling over the slightest pebbles on the ground and bumping into one another, but afraid to speak. Max had grabbed Fang's hand for comfort, and he held Iggy's shoulder, beginning to 'see' how it felt to be in the dark all day like him, and Nudge was holding Angel's free hand. It seemed more like a procession than anything else.

Suddenly, the procession slammed into something hard and solid, knocking them backwards because they'd not been anticipating it. "Ow!" Murmered Nudge, just as the whole tunnel was flooded with bright lights and there was a loud ominous, familiar, droning noise, right where an Up and Away was implausible.


End file.
